Hair and brain theory (draft)

I guess typing on a chromebook forces an oldie like me to learn new tricks. Using unconventional key combos to initiate upper case letters would be one of the most infamous. Fellow chromebook newcomers, if this new trick causes you to grind your teeth in chagrin, please do not despair and do not stress out your dental health or the mental health of your dentist any more than you need to, because we are all there in the same place. 

There's no such thing as 'we have all been there', unfortunately. This chagrin is an ongoing condition. Oldies like me take forever to learn it. To achieve mastery is a dream that shall never come true.

Anyway, before this post turns into a rebel's ramble against the chromebook, and instead of wishing everyone a blessed if belated Christmas like a normal person, I would like to propose a theory regarding the amount of hair o on a person's head and its relation to the amount of brains within said person's cranial cavity.

As with any theory, the most fun part is to neither prove or share it. Rather, it is to disprove it. Before I get to the fun part, please give me a few lines' space and time to prove it first.

Long theory short, if a person has a full head of hair, they are more likely to have brains and are likewise very smart people. There is plenty of real world examples in regard to this, so to protect their privacy (especially those that are still alive) I wouldn't name anyone except for one. 

Dame Isaac Newton.

Please do not be alarmed at my choice of title for him. Everyone calls him Sir. I call him Dame. Not entirely because it rhymes with lame. Not entirely and not sincerely. I'm never sincere with my own feelings about Dame Isaac. And it's not because his Christian name rhymes with iSuck. 

Apple electronics and Hyundai Motor Group, if you two are considering naming your next product, I wouldn't recommend calling it iSuck, because there's a potential legal battle regarding whether the child's surname should be Apple, or Hyundai, or Newton.

Issac had a full head of wig pretending to be real hair. Moderners, do please forgive him. People in his era all donned wigs, especially males, let alone male Dames. 

Dame Isaac was of course highly intelligent,  which corresponds to his amount of wig hair. Has anyone ever seen a portrait of him without his wig? I doubt it. No hair, no brains. Dame Isaac wanted and still wants people to remember him as The Apple-headed Guy that Smashed Maths, not The Moron that Got their Forehead Smashed in by a Fallen Apple.

None of us counted as the fallen. Our ancestors did. WWI is a heavy topic so let us not discuss it here due to sheer dignity and decency.

Back to Dame Isaac. He had very little (natural) hair, but that was salvaged by a full head of wig, which protected and promoted his intellect. Plus that mysterious apple that landed on his head many, many years ago not far from the front lawns at Trinity. Us King's, or Trinity-pretending-to-be-King's mutts, like to remind the likes of Dame Issac that Trinity produce poets, not mathematicians, so his portrait shouldn't really be hung up in the hallways at Trinity.

But it was. Has been since Dame Isaac met his Maker, I'm sure.

Anyway, before this ramble turns sour and disgustingly longwinded, let's move on to my next point.

No hair, no brains.

Where a person lacks hair correlates to which part of the brains they are missing. The frontal lobe controls emotions and mental wellbeing. If someone is bald up front around the forehead, it is safe to assume that they are rather lacking in the emotional intelligence/mental well-being department.

DavCam, I won't name you directly, but you are a bit of an idiot with puffy droopy cheeks the likes of Dame Isaac. And wikipedia revealed to me that you went to The School that Produces Drama Queens, Nancies, and Idiots. You are an idiot, so you fit right in. You must be good at sports or other aspects of motor skills both fine and gross, because you have ample hair at the back of your head where the cerebellum is located, and the cerebellum controls motions and movements of the body.

Best part of proposing a theory, here we come.

I can't wait to disprove myself.

Having a full head of hair doesn't guarantee a full head of brains. 

BoJo, hello. 

People, please don't bully or laugh at him. He has a rather continental bloodline, or so wikipedia would have me believe, and we all know that people on the continent rarely pronounce their H, so for BoJo, he actually does have a full head of air, not hair.

And he's even more of a buffoon than DavCam. I knew before I googled that he went to the same school.

Hair and brain theory, proposed, proven, then disproven. I'm happy now. 

People from Trinity, will you unite in getting a rise out of the likes of Dame Isaac? I reckon he spent hours on his wig and makeup before the artist could get him to sit still for that still they painted. I've never been to Trinity, so I've never seen the portrait in real life. I do, however, believe in my intuition.

Jan Hamish

28 December 2022, hiatus between Michaelmas term and Lent term

Down under here in Cambradelaide, we are already putting hot cross buns on the shelves. What's the situation up North? Nothing apart from Winter is Coming?

How lame.