My siblings from WA

Dear Mr and Ms Maslin,

I have good news for you and baby sis Violet. I have found Evie. She is a boarder at RSPCA 

Norwood, she is the sweetest medium sized feline that ever graced the lodge,  has a best friend called Nellie, and is waiting for a family to adopt her. She was the Princess Royale in your family when she was with you. Now she is of course Her Royal Highness the Princess of Norwood, so a potential family would have to pay a hefty sum to be able to adopt both her and her best friend aka her lady in waiting. 

Evie being Evie, she gave the matrons the same price of just under $40 for only adopting herself to keep the database happy, but she has also made it very clear that she won't leave without Nellie, for whom she set three times the amount of adoption fees than her own. To the Princess, Nellie is never just a friend or her lady in waiting; she is her life.

Families looking for two sweetest feline girls out there, please pop in to the lodge at Petbarn Norwood and meet the Princess and her lady in waiting. 

Now let's discuss Otis. Otis is at the canine quarters at Lonsdale lodge, and being the rebellious as well as youngest sibling he is, he wrote in his intro that he can't tolerate living with anyone else, especially cats (the Princess would be delighted to know that the cricket bat she ordered has arrived: good choice of weapon for brother bashing, the best game known to man- and feline-kind)

There are two sides to every coin and we've just covered the cheerful side. Mr and Ms Maslin, I was able to find Evie and Otis, but I couldn't find my big brother, Mo.  Big brothers are the kind of people I always look up to. I'm rarely in a mood, but even if I am, I would still listen to my big brother while chucking a boiling mug of coffee in my father's face.

Mr and Ms Maslin, I have been forcefully put under an inpatient treatment order at one of the two major bospitals in Cambradelaide. I'm not allowed to leave, so if you two are visiting Cambradelaide to see your Princess, would you also be able to come and visit me? Just quote James to reception and they will be able to tell you exactly where I am. I won't tell you what my surname is, it's so long-winded and bewildering, I don't want your cultured brains to go into shock. To save you from suffering unwanted medical episodes, you may refer to me as Jan Hamish Apostolis. You two are lifelong Dutch speakers, so I don't need to worry about you guys pronouncing Jan wrong, like some brainless and underevolved southeasterners from a certain isle floating ofd the Continent. To those ape-like beings, I can only trust them to call me Hamish.

I got told this afternoon that I might be transferred to a better place near Highgate to recuperate. I'll let you know exactly where after relocation has taken place. I heard it's like a respite slash rehab centre. In my case, because I am under 18 and have a preexisting left ventricle condition that has now spread to the right, I shouldn't be left unsupervised. A youth social worker will visit me on Monday to discuss how I might move forward.

Now let's move on to the other and not so cheerful side of th coin. I didn't find any trace of my big brother at the College, despite the fact that he was the only one out of all three to have actually attended. 

Do not despair, though. I have a feeling that Mo has already moved on from his dwelling place in the college cloister. And I think I have already met him, let alone know where he is now. 

Mr and Ms Maslin, when you two come to Cambradelaide, would you also be able to visit another place? I have a workmate called Mo. We used to work together at Kathy's house in a little suburb called Daw Park, just opposite Pasadena. When Kathy acquired her own Toyota HiAce, Mo and his sidekick Raj helped put together a user manual by providing photos of themselves testing and driving the vehicle. Raj is very good with big vehicles. I was wondering if he might be interested in renting my sister's two bedroom house as it's just 10mins drive to Kathy's house where they still work. Last time I heard, Raj was renting at a strata place near the racecourse and the housing condition wasn't the best. Raj has a son around the age of 8, about Otis's age back in 2014, and Mo himself has a son aged 10 this year, same as the Princess Royale back in 2914. Mo also has a daughter aged around 4, two years younger than our baby sis Violet. If you do visit Mo and Raj, please let the children know that silly old big bro Jan Hamish Apostolis sends his greetings to young Princess Royale aka Mo's daughter, plus a bucketloads of hearty insults to the lads.

My sister has again been put on sick leave. I don't know if her employer would still accept her, or me, because technically my sister is no longer around, and I, the person walking behind her and following her steps, might well be turned down by her employer due to me being under age and ID less and everything. Still, after I get out of here, I'm going to approach my sister's employer and try. I think my senior manager would understand. He is the father figure for the south. My sister used to avoid him like the plague because by temperament she rejects every father figure in her life, but for me, Jan Hamish Apostolis, I don't feel the need to reject fathers. I might resist them a bit, might end up chucking boiling mugs of coffee in their faces if the occasion calls for it, but I wouldn't reject them.

End of sibling related ramble. Mr and Ms Maslin, if you are still interested in the following, you are more than welcome to keep reading. If I were you, I would ask Violet to leave though. The following essay contains atrocious swear words inappropriate for someone Violet's age. Let's get this sorted the next day.

This is the note I left for Pippa's owner. Please reverse everything I typed here below and take it as my heartfelt greeting to you two:

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

To Peppa Pig's Freek hag of a mother,

I'm taking the babe with me. Because I can. Also because I'm a proud Bane and we Banish Bikings are born to plunder.

Tschüß, fare ill, and bad bye

Your effing Großvater

Flipit of Banebark and Freeze

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Jan Hamish Apostolis

Apollo Day, the fourth of the twelfth 

The year of our Lord 2022